AND NOW, THE SEASON FINALE OF PALS…!
(Theme of friends plays, followed by title saying ‘The one at the end of the series with the cliffhanger.’)
(Scene opens up on all 6 pals, Joey, Animan, SF, JG, Hope and Asktqa, in South-Western Perk)
SF: Hey, JG!
SF: You’re marrying Animan right?
Animan and JG: Yup! (They hold hands)
SF: But…if this is your wedding day, then shouldn’t you not be seeing each other before the wedding?
Animan: Oh, yeah. (Scampers off)
Joey: Well, that got rid of him.
Hope: (Sighs) I remember my 7th wedding…
Joey: (Looks puzzled) Who was that to, again?
Hope: That Russian guy, Dovzki.
SF: Oh, I remember him! He was the one who was two-timing with your sister!
JG: Uh, hellooo? This is MY wedding day, we talk about me me me!
Asktqa: Who did you invite?
JG: Uh…Mom, dad, Uncle David…you guys…
SF: But of course, you didn’t need to invite me…I’m the best man.
(Canned gasping at the secret which has supposedly been held for the past 10 episodes.)
Joey: Wait a second…I’m the best man.
JG: (Bites lip) Um…well, Joey, you see…Animan wanted you to be the best man…but after what happened last time, at Hope’s 9th wedding, I thought that it would be best if…well…we had someone else.
Joey: Last time? LAST TIME!? For gosh sakes, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, I thought the maid of honour was a hooker! (CL=canned laughter)
JG: I was the maid of Honour!!! (Canned ‘uh-ohing!’)
Joey: Um…Gotta go! (Flees)
Hope: Wait…No, you were the maid of honour at my 10th…not 9th.
(Back in the apartment, Joey bursts in on Animan)
Joey: Animan! Who’s the best man for this wedding!?
Animan: You know, I really should lock that door…(Canned laughter)
Joey: C’Mon! Who is it!? Me or SF!?
Joey: Thank you! (Leaves, a few secs later, SF barges in)
SF: Animan! Who’s the best man, me or Joey!?
SF: Thank you! (Leaves, with CL)
(Cut to church, SF looking along food table)
SF: Mmm…Silver flavoured cheese.
(Joey bumps in to him)
SF: Smiles mockingly (Oh, hey there, WORST man!)
Joey: Hehe, you’re just jealous…
SF: Why should I be?
Joey: Isn’t it obvious?
SF: No. (CL)
(Cut to JG, in dress. Tyler walks in)
Tyler: Aw, sweetie, you look beautiful!
JG: (Smiles) Yes, I do, don’t I. (Mutters) In your face, Hope!
Tyler: I always knew I did the right thing adopting you…(Kisses her on cheek) Now, who’s my angel?
JG: Me, Hope and Tbyrd…but especially me.
Tyler: That’s right…I very, very proud of you (Canned ‘Awwww!’-ing)
(Cut to Animan, In tux, Brandon walks in, smoking a cigar and wearing a sombrero)
Brandon: It’s about time you got married!
Animan: Dad! Glad you could make it!
Brandon: Look, you gonna make this quick!? I’m late for the Knicks game.
Animan: But this is my wedding day!
Brandon: But nothing! Why d’you marry this girl, anyway!? I hooked you up with that nice girl and nothing happened.
Animan: She was a b###h!
Brandon: Damn right she was rich! (CL)
Animan: (Sighs) I love JG, dad…(Canned ‘awwwww!’-ing)
(Cut to church, Asktqa making her way along to seat, Hope approaching from other side, they both collide with cute guy,)
Hope and Asktqa: (Turn) Sorry…oh!
Asktqa: Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met (shakes hand)
Hope: Hey, I’m Hope…(shakes other hand.)
Hope: What’s you’re name?
Asktqa: Who are you?
Guy: I’m Mitch.
Asktqa and Hope: Oh, great name! (They both glare at each other, with CL)
Asktqa: I like your tux.
Hope: I like your hair.
Asktqa: I like your shoes.
Hope: I like your teeth.
Asktqa: I like you!
Hope: I like you more!
Asktqa: No way!
Hope: Yes way!
(They attack each other, and the guy slips away)
(Cut to Joey, standing in front of mirror, perfecting his speech, straightens tie)
Joey: Anyway, I’d like to tell you all a story about the time when JG and I had a little too much to drink, and we ended up in my room. So, she took off her br…oops! Sorry! Can’t tell you that one! (CL, as Joey laugh at himself)
(SF walks in)
SF: Oh, I didn’t know they were doing a loser speech!
Joey: Well, they are. Better start writing. (CL)
SF: What? Can’t write your own?
(CL, as SF leaves)
(Cut to Animan, with Asktqa.)
Animan: Dammit, I don’t know whether I can go through with this.
Asktqa: Why don’t you talk to Joey, or SF? Which ever one the best man is?
Animan: Nah, they won’t stop taking cracks at each other…
Animan: No. Hopes done this too many times before…she’s probably forgotten what it feels like to be so nervous.
Asktqa: I dunno, there was that time she accidently gained half a pound…she thought she was getting fat… (CL)
Animan: No! I need someone to talk to who knows properly what I’m going through…(Looks into Asktqa’s eyes.) Like…you.
(He leans forward, with canned gasping, they almost kiss, then Animan pulls back.)
Animan: Oh god!
Asktqa: Oh, god, I’m sorry…really
Animan: Oh god, that was too weird.
Asktqa: Uh…I’ll go.
Animan: Yes, do.
(Asktqa leaves, Joey walks in. Sees Animan looking nervous)
Joey: Hey dude, what’s up? Another death threat? (CL)
Joey: Maccy D’s left the Mayo off your Chicken Sandwich? (CL)
Animan: Look, Joey. Just leave, OK?
(Out in corridor)
Joey: (To self) Geez! Last time I looked like that was the time I slept with that girl on my…wedding…day…(Looks shocked, and runs off)
(Cut to Church hall, Hope sitting behind Mitch. She tentatively prods him on the shoulder, he turns round)
Hope: Uh, hi.
Mitch: Hi. (Turns back, with CL)
Hope: (Prods again) Hi!
Mitch: (Turns) Hi. (Turns back, with CL)
Hope: (Frowns) Are you ignoring me?
Mitch: (Turns) Yes. (Turns back, with CL)
(Hope looks around, thinking. Meanwhile, Mitch stands up and walks away, MdM sits down in his place. Hope doesn’t notice. Suddenly, she grabs MdM, turns his head around, and kisses him, her eyes widen. She pulls away with CL.)
MdM: Lady, I’m not Mitch, but I AM magnificent! Thanks! (Gets up and walks away, with CL.)
(Cut to Tyler, leading JG down the aisle to ‘Overprotected’ being played on the organ, with CL, and people on set crying.)
(Cut to Animan, smiling at her. He sees Asktqa at the front of the church, and starts looking nervous again.)
(Cut to Joey, running down corridors, he bumps into SF.)
Joey: Watch it!
SF and Joey: Where are you going!?
SF and Joey: I’m the best man!
SF and Joey: No you’re not!
SF and Joey: Yes I am! (CL)
(They run into the church, then up to Animan, past a shocked JG.)
SF and Joey: Sorry I’m late.
(JG glares at Joey, behind his back.)
Joey: C’mon! Let me be best man!
SF: No, me!
Joey and SF: Choose!
SF: Pick me!
Joey: Pick me!
SF: If you don’t pick me, then I’ll…uh…burn your collection of Spiderman comics! (CL)
Joey: And if you pick me, I’ll tell everybody In this church what you were doing with Asktqa!!!
Animan: But I wasn’t doing anything…
Joey: (In squeaky, mocking voice) But I wans’t doing anything…(In normal voice) Like hell you weren’t doing anything!
JG: (hisses through clenched teeth) Joey, get out of here!)
(Joey looks from her to Animan.)
Joey: Oh, alright. For your sake…but you owe me!
Animan: (Sighs) Fine, when we get home, you can sleep in the vibrating chair…but only for one night!!! (CL)
(Joey walks off)
(Cut to ceremony, SF standing proud with ring.)
Vicar: And if anybody has any reason why this couple should not be joined, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
(Animan bites lip and looks at Asktqa, then at Joey. Then he looks at JG, who is smiling at him lovingly)
Joey: (Stands up) STOP!!!
Joey: I…I…I need to go to the bathroom! (Runs off, with CL, Animan sighs)
(Cut, Joey returns)
Vicar: Do you, Animan, take this woman, to be your wife, in intelligence, and in stupidity(CL), in happiness, and in Season 26, where your marriage hits a rocky patch(CL), in richness, and in poorness, until death do you part?
Animan: (Glances at Asktqa, then nods) I do.
Vicar: And do you, Jan Girl, Copy and Paste that statement?(CL)
JG: I do…
Vicar: And now, with the power given to me, by the lord God, I now pronounce you, husband and …urgh!!!(Canned gasping)
(Hope runs over) Oh my god, he’s dead! (Canned gasping)
Animan: Oh no! We can’t get married without someone to be the vicar…
(Joey taps him on the shoulder, smiling eagerly, CL.)
Animan: (Rolls eyes and sighs) Go on then.
Joey: (happily) Ok, before I do this, I’d just like to tell you about the time when JG and I had a little too much to drink and ended up in my room, (CL) anyway, she…
Animan: Joey, Just get on with it.
Joey: Fine, I guess I should just be happy I got this, and not best man… (Smirks at SF, with CL) By the power, given to me by the fact the other guy had a heart attack(CL), I now pronounce you, Husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
(They kiss, and many females grab tissue. But while they do, Animan looks at Asktqa, and feels guilty, will he tell JG? Does anybody care? Do you think that I made this episode a little bit too serious? Cue cliffhanger freeze-frame.)